Saturday, June 23, 2007
Travelling Down the Long Road - Once Again
On Saturday morning, June 9, my husband loaded our car and headed east. Instead of taking I-20 and heading toward Kentucky, as we had been planning for some time, however, we headed down Texas 36 toward Livingston in East Texas. We were on our way to visit with the Bigby family again - but this time there would be one more family member missing. Unthinkable. To think that in a span of less than 14 months, this family would suffer the loss of not one, but two family members, both in tragic and preventable automobile accidents.
We arrived in town just as visitation was beginning at the funeral home. As we parked and got out of our van, the first family member we saw was Harrison, the youngest son. He had been so close to his brother Josh, and we had been told he was just beginning to talk a little about that loss. Now, to have to lose his Mom and to learn to deal with this new loss. The first thing he said to us, "Where's Tori?"
Victoria was not able to be with us, and I hurt so much for both of them. For her - to be locked into plans that she just could not change, no matter how much she wanted, and for him, to need someone he could identify with.
Liz, the daughter, had been the one who had to deal with most of the responsibility for things. She was the only family member in town when the accident occurred and she performed her role with grace and dignity - but the strain showed mightily in her face. She told me the hospital had not contacted her in time for her to get to her Mom during the two hours that her heart was beating after the accident and before final death. That, I think, haunts her.
Brigham, the oldest son, was off-shore on a oil-rig in Louisiana when he got the news. He said he had someone drive him home. He seemed to be doing well, his faith strong, but of course, shock is always in play initially.
Brig, the husband, handling himself with the strength God gives in such situations, was glad to see us. He welcomed us as though we had been friends for a life-time. Perhaps in some ways, we have. He told us, when Josh died there had been no regrets because their relationship was solid. Josh knew he loved him and they had shared their feelings for each other. With Pam, things had not gone the way he had hoped they would. For that, he had regrets. But one thing he knew - if anyone was ready to go to Heaven, Pam was. And the one thing he knew she would say to anyone there, "Do not grieve for me - I am where I want to be." He told how many times Pam would take a troubled teen-ager into their home to live. And always, she would tell them the same thing. "You can live here as long as you need to. But on Sunday morning, you WILL get up and go to church with me." As Harrison would bring his friends up to introduce them to him, he would ask them, "Did Pam ever preach to you?" And without fail, each would grin, and say "Yes."
As we met various members of Pam's family, they told of how much she spoke of Tori (Victoria) and how special Tori was to her. We met some of Pam's friends, who would speak of how Pam had talked about Tori (and us). When Pam's sister-in-law realized who we were, she expressed her gratitude for the cross that Lorin made for her son.
Brig talked about how strange it seems that our children met in college and how we have become friends because of the death of one. And now to come back to him because of another death in his family.
Life is strange sometime. When you reach out beyond yourself, you never know where God will lead you. I have often wondered how different this situation could have been with just a couple of things having been done differently. Wondered - and forced myself away from wondering. Just praising God that we have been able to minister to the Bigby family in some way. Asking His blessings on them each step of the way.
We arrived in town just as visitation was beginning at the funeral home. As we parked and got out of our van, the first family member we saw was Harrison, the youngest son. He had been so close to his brother Josh, and we had been told he was just beginning to talk a little about that loss. Now, to have to lose his Mom and to learn to deal with this new loss. The first thing he said to us, "Where's Tori?"
Victoria was not able to be with us, and I hurt so much for both of them. For her - to be locked into plans that she just could not change, no matter how much she wanted, and for him, to need someone he could identify with.
Liz, the daughter, had been the one who had to deal with most of the responsibility for things. She was the only family member in town when the accident occurred and she performed her role with grace and dignity - but the strain showed mightily in her face. She told me the hospital had not contacted her in time for her to get to her Mom during the two hours that her heart was beating after the accident and before final death. That, I think, haunts her.
Brigham, the oldest son, was off-shore on a oil-rig in Louisiana when he got the news. He said he had someone drive him home. He seemed to be doing well, his faith strong, but of course, shock is always in play initially.
Brig, the husband, handling himself with the strength God gives in such situations, was glad to see us. He welcomed us as though we had been friends for a life-time. Perhaps in some ways, we have. He told us, when Josh died there had been no regrets because their relationship was solid. Josh knew he loved him and they had shared their feelings for each other. With Pam, things had not gone the way he had hoped they would. For that, he had regrets. But one thing he knew - if anyone was ready to go to Heaven, Pam was. And the one thing he knew she would say to anyone there, "Do not grieve for me - I am where I want to be." He told how many times Pam would take a troubled teen-ager into their home to live. And always, she would tell them the same thing. "You can live here as long as you need to. But on Sunday morning, you WILL get up and go to church with me." As Harrison would bring his friends up to introduce them to him, he would ask them, "Did Pam ever preach to you?" And without fail, each would grin, and say "Yes."
As we met various members of Pam's family, they told of how much she spoke of Tori (Victoria) and how special Tori was to her. We met some of Pam's friends, who would speak of how Pam had talked about Tori (and us). When Pam's sister-in-law realized who we were, she expressed her gratitude for the cross that Lorin made for her son.
Brig talked about how strange it seems that our children met in college and how we have become friends because of the death of one. And now to come back to him because of another death in his family.
Life is strange sometime. When you reach out beyond yourself, you never know where God will lead you. I have often wondered how different this situation could have been with just a couple of things having been done differently. Wondered - and forced myself away from wondering. Just praising God that we have been able to minister to the Bigby family in some way. Asking His blessings on them each step of the way.
# posted by pawatson @ 8:25 PM 
