COME TO THE FEAST

He had been on my heart this week. I wanted to write to him to give him some encouragement - to let him know that I was thinking of him. My daughter had met him while observing the basketball team for a class she was taking. He caught her eye, and after meeting him it was easy to see why. He seemed somewhat shy and would duck his head a little when he talked to you. We got to know him a bit when the basketball team was required to stay in town over the break between semesters and all the on-campus eating places were closed. We had three of the team members over for Christmas Eve dinner. He was one of them. A more polite young man I never met. "Yes, sir" and "Yes, ma'am" were standard replies. "Thank you" flowed profusely from him every time we fed the team and every time we saw him. Since his parents couldn't be at the ball games, we began hanging around after the games to give a hug and a word of support or encouragement. He always was so grateful. His dad and brothers got to attend a game and he made sure we met them. He told them how good we were to him (feed a college student and he'll follow you anywhere!). He played basketball with an intensity matched by few. I never saw anyone with more hustle - he was all over the court, giving it his all. The coach never had to ask more from him - he gave and gave more. A few times during basketball games we saw his temper flair a bit. Not surprising, considering how the other teams beat the guys up. He took it a while and then pushed back. When we talked about it later, there was always that duck of the head and a shy grin. Something happened at a game out of town - the next to the last game. We never knew the details. But the day of the last game, he was kicked off the team. Not just sat on the bench - but off the team. He stuck around to watch the game. After the game, he came up to see us. I could tell immediately he had been drinking. I got him alone and talked to him about that. I told him that was not going to fix anything and begged him not to do anything foolish. He assured me he would not. But he couldn't handle being off the team, and so he left college. I tried to get with him before he left. He assured me he would see us before he left. After all, he said, we had been too good to him for him to leave without saying goodbye. But he did. And so, I thought of him often, prayed for him. And this afternoon, about 3:00 p.m., my daughter called me. "Mom," she said, "I've got some really bad news." After the silence, while she caught her breath, she said, "Josh Bigby was killed in a car wreck last night."

"Oh, God," I cried. "Why? Why? How could that happen?" My anger at the coach poured out. That he could consider Josh a throw-away kid. I know Josh had a good heart. I know he just needed someone to believe in him, to show him a better way. I know I don't know all the story. I don't know what happened. But I know that a quiet young man, with a smile that would melt your heart, didn't feel he could stay in school if he wasn't part of the team. And I know my life will never be the same for having known him.

Josh's cousin was with him. They had been to see his father. His cousin was also killed.

God, tonight, hold the Bigby family in your loving arms as they deal with the immense loss of a son and brother. Be with the extended family - with grandparents who grieve the loss of two who have died too young. God, we don't understand why these things happen. We know you are there, and ask you to give comfort where it will seem no comfort can be found. I ask that I may find forgiveness for the feelings I have as I grieve the death of Josh. Be with my daughter. Be with Josh's teammates, especially his friend Will. Walk with us through this valley. Help us not to put off opportunities to share a word of hope and encouragement. Always, let us be your light in this world. Amen.

My daughter has given me permission to add her comments to my post:

"Go Big or Go Home"

Go Big or go home! That was my cheer for Josh Bigby. I saw him at practice when I had to observe basketball last semester. Quite honestly, I thought he was the best looking guy I had ever seen at ACU. You could say I was a bit smitten. He had this shy smile that could melt even the coldest heart. I got to know him and he was one of the most polite people I'd met. He came over with Dre and Bless for Christmas Eve dinner. He loved our crab dip and my mom's homemade rolls. We watched him play ball. He was rough and tumble. He hustled like no one else. He was a big player with shot to boost. The more I got to know him, the more I saw in him a kid who needed a chance. He needed someone to believe in him and I know my family did. He loved my parents. I told them that. He brought his dad over to meet us after a game one night outside the gym. He bragged to his dad and brothers that they needed to eat at our house because it was amazing. "Her family are real good people," he told his dad. Something happened, I don't know what and he got kicked off the team. Without the team he decided to leave college for a job back home. He was suppose to say good-bye but he never did.

I found out today around 3 p.m. that Josh Bigby was killed in a car wreck last night. He and his cousin had eaten with his dad and were on their way home. Neither one survived a collision with a semi. Shock and disbelief set in as I stared blankly up at Kierstan, not believing what she had just said.

So I cry and I sob. I can't understand it. It's not fair. I don't see how any good can come of this. But KT told me something wise, she said "Don't think about it, remember." She's always right. We cannot sit and ponder and wonder why it happened, but we remember. I remember his shy grin, how he played basketball soo hard, how he loved crab dip and rolls, how he'd tease me during sports psychology, how he'd hug us big after the game, how he loved his dog Nuke, how he'd say yes ma'am and no sir, how excited I was when I got his phone number, how ecstatic I was when he was coming to my house.

To the Bigbys, I pray for you all, to Josh I've been praying for you, to Will and the team I still pray for your strength to carry on.